It was touch and go with SNR these past couple weeks. We’ve both been really busy and he’s been traveling for work, so we hadn’t seen much of each other. Still, even when he was around, it seemed like he was contacting me less often than usual, and I took the post-gray-area-talk silence as a bad sign.
A couple days ago, in response to an email I sent him, he wrote back saying we needed to talk (the dreaded phrase). There wasn’t really any ambiguity about what kind of talk it would be, so I was upset and indulged in an evening of moping. But, after I got that out of my system, I didn’t feel the need to do it again. Perhaps because this turn of events isn’t exactly surprising, it hasn’t seemed as difficult this time around.
He called me this morning, and even though I was ready with a box of tissues on hand, I didn’t have to use them. The conversation wasn’t as sad as I was expecting. I mean, of course, the situation is depressing and, unfortunately, familiar, but talking things out with him made me feel significantly better. He told me he still feels like something isn’t quite right, but that he cares about me a lot, etc. We ended up talking on the phone for more than two hours, and not just about the mysterious something and the second demise of the relationship. We just chatted about life, tv shows, past relationships, and all kinds of other things that reminded me how much I enjoy talking to and just knowing him. Sometimes the hardest part about ending a relationship is losing the friendship you’ve formed with that person. I was thinking about that and lamenting that portion of the loss when he hesitantly asked, “So, do you think we could try to be friends?”
I didn't know what to say, and I debated what my answer should be for quite a while. Is it possible to be platonic friends with someone you used to sleep with? Can you retrain yourself to see someone in a different way? Will the friendship get awkward and fall apart when one person (or both) starts dating other people? The whole thing seems rife with challenges and sounds like such a slippery slope. I’ve never been friends with an ex and have no idea if I’m capable of it, but after wavering for a bit, I eventually told him we could at least try. This might be yet another bad idea, but I guess it’s something I can cross off the list of things I’ve never experienced. Just like how I can now cross off getting more or less dumped twice by the same guy. Yeah, I could have probably gone without achieving that one, but in spite of everything, I don’t regret it. Things happen, and life goes on. I feel ready for whatever comes next.
