Finally, an answer

I went out with Lynn last weekend and told her about how I was still waiting for this guy I’m dating to figure things out. Though, I admitted, I honestly thought I could only handle another week or two of this indecision stuff before I’d have to cut my losses. It was just too hard, and sometimes I wondered why I was even putting myself through it.

“It makes sense. Even if things look hopeless, everyone has to let go in their own time,” she said. “Remember when I was dating that guy who admitted he loses interest in a girl after the beginning of the relationship, and even when he was eventually down to only dropping by for booty calls, I still didn’t listen to you and kept seeing him until I got fed up?”

“Yeah, that one time, didn’t you go his place directly after we met and chatted about how I thought you should dump him?”

“YES. And remember how after I broke up with still-technically-married guy, I still pined for him even though he was, well, technically married and didn’t see a future for us? We all do stupid things sometimes when we like someone.”

I told her I was aware that waiting was a stupid thing since this was probably going to end badly, but it was just hard to walk away. I didn’t want to give up too early and have to wonder what if things would have been better in a week? What if he would have actually made up his mind in my favor?

The more I thought about it, however, the more ridiculous it felt. If I learned anything from my last failed relationship, it’s that I want to be with someone who KNOWS he wants to be with me. If this new guy, no matter how great he was otherwise, was already wavering around month two, why in the world was I sticking around? Why was I wasting so much time waiting for him, not to mention letting myself feel bad about it, when I was already fairly certain what he would decide?

I didn’t want to put off the inevitable any longer. I wanted an answer already.

After some initial small talk and a few minutes of questioning, I finally got it. He said his problem was that something didn’t feel right. He finally defined the “something” further and said he felt a bit like things weren’t developing, that at times it almost felt like we were in a friendship with benefits instead of a relationship. (Ouch. I wasn't expecting that one.)

I told him it was still really early, and I didn’t get that vibe at all, but if that’s what he feels, it’s what he feels. It was still hard to pin him down on a decision, though. He continued to hesitate, saying he knew it was still early, that he thought I was really a catch, and that he felt things could potentially be amazing so he was reluctant to just give up. I had to question him specifically on whether he was ready to call this a done deal before he admitted he was so confused about things that he thought he had no choice and probably shouldn’t be dating at all right now.

That was hard to hear, but it was also what I needed to hear. Even though I wasn’t the least bit surprised about his decision, it was still disappointing and surprisingly heartbreaking. He was sad about it, too, and said he was kicking himself for doing this, even as he was going through with it. We both said we wished things were different.

It was tough for me to end the conversation. It was difficult to imagine not talking to him anymore, and I know I’m really going to miss him. I told him I hope he gets unconfused soon and finds what he’s looking for.

I guess I’ll have to keep looking, too.